This is where I write
- about the journey of growth /texts
- texts on witchcraft or magic /witchy
- journaling and texploration /today
- invitations to ceremonies, laboratories, events and co-creation /news
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R.I.P.
Yesterday I attended my relationship funeral. May you rest in peace, beautiful story.
I met Michał, one of the most amazing humans walking this planet, in the summer of 2023 – Nowhere. We felt in love in Amsterdam, and we buried our romance in Lisbon.
We co-lived and traveled in the Netherlands, Switzerland, England, Wales, Scotland, Brazil, the Azores, mainland Portugal, Spain, Sweden, and Tenerife. Shared tents, flats, hotel rooms, houses, boats, and values. Danced in the streets and sang while cooking, ate plenty fruits and nuts, added a lot of goodness, created joy, conjured and enchanted, played some cards, made some love and became friends.
It turns out the universe has a plan we’re not yet aware of.
So Michał and I gathered in the Star Garden to pay tribute and honour the memory of the deceased with kind words. The local poet was gracious to read the epitaph.
Perfect Amsterdam bar, a book shop, a fountain, a respectful amount of stairs and miradouros – the funeral procession and ceremony went on for eight hours. The funky, furry coffin full of treasures was thrown down the hill that smelled of Indian food and jasmine flowers. A rubber fish sang “time to say goodbye”.
Today is light and heavy, full of love and sadness. One day, I hope to share a sunset again. I hope to be around while we walk through the unimaginable. I hope to co-create, inspire, and love. And now it is time to heal and let go.
P.S. accidental coincidence, I fly to the UK for 40 days.
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Inspiration and Home
When souls meet in their shine and skill, creating in love and play, they expand, they can reach the skies. I am honoured to experience that.
Recently, I assisted a sister witch arrive at a place of clarity and connection, where she could see the paths unfolding ahead of her, so she could choose the way her heart calls her to walk, even to run happily (the Compass ritual). And now she does. I watch her run and laugh.
She says, “I want to inspire, I want to see you inspired. Inspiration is the thing I want to multiply in life”. What is yours? she asked.And here I am, asking myself this question for the 7364th time in life. The answer can always be more precise and updated to my current version.
What gifts the light shining from me?
What exactly do I seek to reach when I guide?
When I use my life nourishing skills, what response in people feels most satisfying?Right now, I am in the phase of the ovarian cycle when they are about to bleed. I feel their contractions before the flow starts. It rhymes beautifully with the above questions.
So, what brings me more life?
When my mischievous ideas succeed and resonate with joy. When I know I’ve touched the heart, the core, if you prefer. When my intentions expressed through actions reach their destination. When I see more openness and freedom. When I recognise a familiar relaxing feeling, “I am home, and I like to be here” in the voice or on a face. I am happy when someone believes – even a bit more – in themselves, in the better, in possibilities, in happiness. When I succeeded in sharing love, it spread. More love means less fear. I want more love, joy, and this “home” feeling.Leave a Reply
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Anger, the secret knowledge how to process it
This text is intended for slow reading.
Feelings like pain and joy are socially validated relatively to anger.
Let’s imagine we’ve passed the challenge of admitting “I am damn angry”, what is next?
First – obviously – notice and ignore. repeat. repeat. repeat.
Ok. I am ready to come back. I am angry.
I get frightened and freeze. Dangerous.
I am still. Through this stillness, I slowly start to breathe. Very still, slowly, and very carefully I begin to breathe. lungs, shoulders, lower back, neck, eyes.
Where am I? I look around the room, feel the supporting surface.
Hello anger, where are you? I am here to listen, I am here to listen to you speak.
I want you to have your voice. And – essential promise – no one will get hurt.Anger, aggression, damage – I have learned through life – they are so connected that they are almost the same. I unlearn. Anger is only a feeling.
I have the power to decide, choose, and behave. I am not going to act out of anger.
Anger is safe.
Now, how to process it?
Beating pillows, chopping wood, shouting in the forest, making up power scenes in your imagination. Safe ways to release anger that therapists and various sources offer.
I am looking for something sustainable wise and gracious.
I am looking for elegance and profit.Anger holds energy that destroys.
If I am not taking that energy out or misplace it, it causes damage. Damage to my throat if I shout, or to my laptop screen that I’ve dropped.
Beating pillows, imaginary power game, or chopping wood releases the energy, wasting it – the message is not heard.
Anger, I want to give you a voice. What do you want?
Wow, it wants to attack, it wants to destroy.
Why? It protects. What is it protecting?
Yes, of course it protects me, a treasure.
I am hurt. I let the pain free to go out through anger, I listen to what it protects.
I am listening, because I want to learn – what are the needs that I failed to protect?
I listen to unbearable, let the rage speak and write it down, all, every word, with all the mess. After several pages, I come back to the same phrases. There is a moment when I feel I have said enough. The message is there. I let it steep, I let it rest for at least several hours or days.
I re-read the text. What I am angry at – hurts. The anger says: pay attention, when it happens – it hurts. No more pain. Don’t do this, don’t go there again. There is no way back: you can’t unsee it. From now on, treat yourself better, change this behaviour. It is important for you, valuable, worth standing for.
The message was delivered.
Anger shouts what’s wrong. It carries energy that destroys fear, so you can act and change what no longer serves you. Anger is a force that moves structures and re-creates them, leading to peace, harmony, and more life. If used well :)
The anger, great protector and destroyer.
It’s ok now, I am healing.
photos are owned by eugene.kaspersky
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Success story
In Budapest there are plenty, plenty of Vietnamese restaurants, tasty and cheep. Today I tried a new one, ordered 3 dishes. Served fast, 2 out of 3 were not what I have ordered, but no onion as requested and so tasty!
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Rune reading and the turn of the Wheel
When a month ago I pulled a Wheel of Fortune, it felt as a major turn. I pulled runes to discover what this turn is about, what is the change that is happening?
I pulled a reversed Berkana on “what is leaving me”.
The understanding was immediate, I know this place so well.How do I read runes, basically?
Every rune has plenty of freedom in divination, based on mythology, common social use, personal reading experience, and perception. Reading is a unique choice made by clairvoyance, applying all the above in the given context.
Berkana. The word itself means a birch tree. A woman who is being born, lives, dies. Morning, day, and night. Maiden, Mother, Crone.
I rarely read runes, cards оr other symbols in the reversed position, but as mentioned, I have seen this symbol before. I am in a relationship where my feminine role is out of alignment, in a “wrong” position. If I were to sing it, the melody would be jumpy and not flowing. If I were to draw it, it would look like pieces piling up in a messy, uncomfortable combination, rather than creating harmony.
That is changing. to Gebō.
Gebo is a gift. It is aslo my name: “Dar” in Russian is a “gift”. This rune is about giving and receiving, parts working in balance. Also, commonly read as “a relationship”. It is a rune I love dearly.
Reading for oneself could be tricky: too much ego, way too much context. I don’t know what exactly this wheel turn brings – something good, something balanced. I will discover with time and write it down to my personal symbol interpretation library.
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Gratitude
Gratitude she said. Gratitude will help. Let s try. Lets get away from the pain pain pain place I am now
It is cosy, warm, Elvis sings to me, nice trees in my window.
Loneliness. Wait, Gratitude.
Thank you for this silence. today my heart sings pain, caged pain. My inner child got reminded of the pain from past. Adult Darya failed to care, cried and shivered with the kid.
The adult Darya knows it’s all bullshit and will take care of it one day. Not today, I take care of enough.
I take care of my food and money on this food, I take care of my very comfy bed and a warm soul full home in a remote hippie village in a beautiful nature. Me cares for maaaaaaany people I keep in touch with. In touch. I want to be in touch with my trapeze. I have my trapeze packed and ready to be hanged. I want to be touched by people. I have a body that could be touched! I have ears that can listen Elvis and La Callas. I can heal my heart. Today I feel it is a long way to heal it. Met pain outbursted couple of days ago, did not turn away. Started another trip to darkness with a candle and a friend. Horray! Today it turned a bit too much. God bless my path is so golden, full of friends and strangers, full of warm hearts. Thank you, you are there for me. People who warm my heart when it fails to hear music of happiness and joy.Thank you for my shoulders they are fainn! My teeth are also doin good. Thank you for my mouth for being such a magnificent multifunctional pleasure device.
The longest kiss in my life took place on one of the pedestrian bridges of Amsterdam, truly (באמת) cinematic. Two beautiful young people. long long staright blond hair of mine, skinny, with boobs and nice soft lips. Passionate af. I am reaching out for Maarten’s mouth. Did you know there are three Dutch names: Martin, Martijn and Maarten? Maarten is a gorgeous man, still admire him. We were designed to shape each other destinies in a very deep fantastic way, but that is another story.. So, I am in Amsterdam for the first time, I am damn 17 and he is… 20? Absolutely in love with all the world, we stopped for a small kiss on a bridge. The bright sky went pearly and grey to the dark blue. Around 3 hours.
I am 37 now. I still hope for a kiss more epic than that. I-want-it-all girl. I believe it will happen.
I do feel better! Gratitude.
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