• Darya loves • Texts & Stories

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Category: today

  • Одна

    Она сидела одна. Абсолютно одна. Одна в комнате, одна в доме – одна во всей стране. Нет, это не преувеличение. Во всей стране она не знала по имени никого, кроме риэлтора, продавшего дом, женщины, у которой она этот дом купила и – нескольких новых соседей по деревне. Добрые, замечательные люди. Она правда не говорит на их языке. Только и остается, что верить, что этот странный выбор произошел во благо. Вера. В замечательное будущее. А сейчас это звенящее одиночествo в Мабон. Одна, наедине с новой жизнью. На днях она заметила, как до сих пор боится хотеть. Есть какие то практичные желания – права получить, заработок наладить. Недавно додумалась хотеть крышесносный оргазм. Додумалась :) не от души эти прекрасные желания. А мир все шепчет: а что хочет душа? А душа хочет родные любящие глаза. Она поет и танцует одна, гладит себя по голове, утешает, когда льются слезы. а они льются. Льются о недавнем горе, о тепле, что ушло, о тех, кто один. А когда прольются – легчает. И дальше она идет, одна. Сегодня.

    Alone

    She was sitting here alone. Absolutely alone. Alone in the room, alone in the house – alone in the whole country, literally. In the whole country she knew names of: this house ex-owner, the real estate agent, who helped to by this house (bless her), and a couple of neighbours in the village. Добрые, замечательные люди. Она правда не говорит на их языке. Только и остается, что верить, что этот странный выбор произошел во благо. Вера. В замечательное будущее. А сейчас это звенящее одиночествo в Мабон. Одна, наедине с новой жизнью. На днях она заметила, как до сих пор боится хотеть. Есть какие то практичные желания – права получить, заработок наладить. Недавно додумалась хотеть крышесносный оргазм. Додумалась :) не от души эти прекрасные желания. А мир все шепчет: а что хочет душа? А душа хочет родные любящие глаза. Она поет и танцует одна, гладит себя по голове, утешает, когда льются слезы. а они льются. Льются о недавнем горе, о тепле, что ушло, о тех, кто один. А когда прольются – легчает. И дальше она идет, одна. Сегодня.

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  • a house

    I have been living in my own house for a week now.

    I have been nomading for the last 5 years, and my brain can’t understand what it means – my house. It is in small things like singing as loud as I want and making a mess I don’t need to clean. Today we were marking a piece of land I am responsible for. I feel so much love for this land, very irrational. I don’t feel much love for the house yet; I’m at the level of gratitude to it yet. I sleep exceptionally well. 

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  • Care

    Israel, June, hot.

    I came back home from an intense trip, 3 days 2 nights, and craved an iced tea. I found my mint herb, boiled a kattle. I could not find a teapot. anywhere. I have searched everywhere. Then, at some point, my thought went to the fridge. And I have realised that before leaving, I put my teapot with mint tea to the fridge, so I could drink it when I come back…

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  • R.I.P.

    Yesterday I attended my relationship funeral. May you rest in peace, beautiful story.

    I met Michał, one of the most amazing humans walking this planet, in the summer of 2023 – Nowhere. We felt in love in Amsterdam, and we buried our romance in Lisbon.

    We co-lived and traveled in the Netherlands, Switzerland, England, Wales, Scotland, Brazil, the Azores, mainland Portugal, Spain, Sweden, and Tenerife. Shared tents, flats, hotel rooms, houses, boats, and values. Danced in the streets and sang while cooking, ate plenty fruits and nuts, added a lot of goodness, created joy, conjured and enchanted, played some cards, made some love and became friends. 

    It turns out the universe has a plan we’re not yet aware of.

    So Michał and I gathered in the Star Garden to pay tribute and honour the memory of the deceased relationship with kind words. The local poet was gracious to read the epitaph.

    Perfect Amsterdam bar, a book shop, a fountain, a respectful amount of stairs and miradouros – the funeral procession and ceremony went on for eight hours. The funky, furry coffin full of treasures was thrown down the hill that smelled of Indian food and jasmine flowers. A rubber fish sang “time to say goodbye”.

    Today is light and heavy, full of love and sadness. One day, I hope to share a sunset again. I hope to be around while we walk through the unimaginable. I hope to co-create, inspire, and love. And now it is time to heal and let go.

    P.S. accidental coincidence, I fly to the UK for 40 days. 

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  • Inspiration and Home

    When souls meet in their shine and skill, creating in love and play, they expand, they can reach the skies. I am honoured to experience that.

    Recently, I assisted a sister witch arrive at a place of clarity and connection, where she could see the paths unfolding ahead of her, so she could choose the way her heart calls her to walk, even to run happily (the Compass ritual). And now she does. I watch her run and laugh.
    She says, “I want to inspire, I want to see you inspired. Inspiration is the thing I want to multiply in life”. What is yours? she asked. 

    And here I am, asking myself this question for the 7364th time in life. The answer can always be more precise and updated to my current version.

    What gifts the light shining from me?
    What exactly do I seek to reach when I guide?
    When I use my life nourishing skills, what response in people feels most satisfying?

    Right now, I am in the phase of the ovarian cycle when they are about to bleed. I feel their contractions before the flow starts. It rhymes beautifully with the above questions.

    So, what brings me more life?
    When my mischievous ideas succeed and resonate with joy. When I know I’ve touched the heart, the core, if you prefer. When my intentions expressed through actions reach their destination. When I see more openness and freedom. When I recognise a familiar relaxing feeling, “I am home, and I like to be here” in the voice or on a face. I am happy when someone believes – even a bit more – in themselves, in the better, in possibilities, in happiness. When I succeeded in sharing love, it spread. More love means less fear. I want more love, joy, and this “home” feeling.

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  • Success story

    In Budapest there are plenty, plenty of Vietnamese restaurants, tasty and cheep. Today I tried a new one, ordered 3 dishes. Served fast, 2 out of 3 were not what I have ordered, but no onion as requested and so tasty!

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  • Rune reading and the turn of the Wheel

    When a month ago I pulled a Wheel of Fortune, it felt as a major turn. I pulled runes to discover what this turn is about, what is the change that is happening?

    I pulled a reversed Berkana on “what is leaving me”.
    The understanding was immediate, I know this place so well.

    How do I read runes, basically?

    Every rune has plenty of freedom in divination, based on mythology, common social use, personal reading experience, and perception. Reading is a unique choice made by clairvoyance, applying all the above in the given context.

    Berkana. The word itself means a birch tree. A woman who is being born, lives, dies. Morning, day, and night. Maiden, Mother, Crone.

    I rarely read runes, cards оr other symbols in the reversed position, but as mentioned, I have seen this symbol before. I am in a relationship where my feminine role is out of alignment, in a “wrong” position. If I were to sing it, the melody would be jumpy and not flowing. If I were to draw it, it would look like pieces piling up in a messy, uncomfortable combination, rather than creating harmony.

    That is changing. to Gebō.

    Gebo is a gift. It is aslo my name: “Dar” in Russian is a “gift”. This rune is about giving and receiving, parts working in balance. Also, commonly read as “a relationship”. It is a rune I love dearly.

    Reading for oneself could be tricky: too much ego, way too much context. I don’t know what exactly this wheel turn brings – something good, something balanced. I will discover with time and write it down to my personal symbol interpretation library.

    ,

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  • Gratitude

    Gratitude she said. Gratitude will help. Let s try. Lets get away from the pain pain pain place I am now

    It is cosy, warm, Elvis sings to me, nice trees in my window.
    Loneliness. Wait, Gratitude.
    Thank you for this silence. today my heart sings pain, caged pain. My inner child got reminded of the pain from past. Adult Darya failed to care, cried and shivered with the kid.
    The adult Darya knows it’s all bullshit and will take care of it one day. Not today, I take care of enough.
    I take care of my food and money on this food, I take care of my very comfy bed and a warm soul full home in a remote hippie village in a beautiful nature. Me cares for maaaaaaany people I keep in touch with. In touch. I want to be in touch with my trapeze. I have my trapeze packed and ready to be hanged. I want to be touched by people. I have a body that could be touched! I have ears that can listen Elvis and La Callas. I can heal my heart. Today I feel it is a long way to heal it. Met pain outbursted couple of days ago, did not turn away. Started another trip to darkness with a candle and a friend. Horray! Today it turned a bit too much. God bless my path is so golden, full of friends and strangers, full of warm hearts. Thank you, you are there for me. People who warm my heart when it fails to hear music of happiness and joy.

    Thank you for my shoulders they are fainn! My teeth are also doin good. Thank you for my mouth for being such a magnificent multifunctional pleasure device.

    The longest kiss in my life took place on one of the pedestrian bridges of Amsterdam, truly (באמת) cinematic. Two beautiful young people. long long staright blond hair of mine, skinny, with boobs and nice soft lips. Passionate af. I am reaching out for Maarten’s mouth. Did you know there are three Dutch names: Martin, Martijn and Maarten? Maarten is a gorgeous man, still admire him. We were designed to shape each other destinies in a very deep fantastic way, but that is another story.. So, I am in Amsterdam for the first time, I am damn 17 and he is… 20? Absolutely in love with all the world, we stopped for a small kiss on a bridge. The bright sky went pearly and grey to the dark blue. Around 3 hours.

    I am 37 now. I still hope for a kiss more epic than that. I-want-it-all girl. I believe it will happen.

    I do feel better! Gratitude. 

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  • Hello

    Belive it or not, it is happening!

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