This text is intended for slow reading.
Feelings like pain and joy are socially validated relatively to anger.
Let’s imagine we’ve passed the challenge of admitting “I am damn angry”, what is next?
First – obviously – notice and ignore. repeat. repeat. repeat.
Ok. I am ready to come back. I am angry.
I get frightened and freeze. Dangerous.
I am still. Through this stillness, I slowly start to breathe. Very still, slowly, and very carefully I begin to breathe. lungs, shoulders, lower back, neck, eyes.
Where am I? I look around the room, feel the supporting surface.
Hello anger, where are you? I am here to listen, I am here to listen to you speak.
I want you to have your voice. And – essential promise – no one will get hurt.
Anger, aggression, damage – I have learned through life – they are so connected that they are almost the same. I unlearn. Anger is only a feeling.
I have the power to decide, choose, and behave. I am not going to act out of anger.
Anger is safe.
Now, how to process it?
Beating pillows, chopping wood, shouting in the forest, making up power scenes in your imagination. Safe ways to release anger that therapists and various sources offer.
I am looking for something sustainable wise and gracious.
I am looking for elegance and profit.
Anger holds energy that destroys.
If I am not taking that energy out or misplace it, it causes damage. Damage to my throat if I shout, or to my laptop screen that I’ve dropped.
Beating pillows, imaginary power game, or chopping wood releases the energy, wasting it – the message is not heard.
Anger, I want to give you a voice. What do you want?
Wow, it wants to attack, it wants to destroy.
Why? It protects. What is it protecting?
Yes, of course it protects me, a treasure.
I am hurt. I let the pain free to go out through anger, I listen to what it protects.
I am listening, because I want to learn – what are the needs that I failed to protect?
I listen to unbearable, let the rage speak and write it down, all, every word, with all the mess. After several pages, I come back to the same phrases. There is a moment when I feel I have said enough. The message is there. I let it steep, I let it rest for at least several hours or days.
I re-read the text. What I am angry at – hurts. The anger says: pay attention, when it happens – it hurts. No more pain. Don’t do this, don’t go there again. There is no way back: you can’t unsee it. From now on, treat yourself better, change this behaviour. It is important for you, valuable, worth standing for.
The message was delivered.
Anger shouts what’s wrong. It carries energy that destroys fear, so you can act and change what no longer serves you. Anger is a force that moves structures and re-creates them, leading to peace, harmony, and more life. If used well :)
The anger, great protector and destroyer.
It’s ok now, I am healing.
photos are owned by eugene.kaspersky
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